You just might find, you get what you need

Today, while reading various posts on another social networking site, I came across a comment directed at me from my middle school crush.  The comment was on a post about our old neighborhood.  I had made a comment about our old middle school.  He also commented and then proceeded to tell me he had a crush on me way back then.  My first reaction was: me?  Then it was: ME!  I proceeded to confessing  I also had a crush on him way back then...30+ years ago!

Time has been kind to both of us.  He is happily married and has 3 kids and a grand baby too.  Although I am a single mom, I consider my life to be happy as well.  Throughout the years, we have run into each other from time to time. I met his wife and he met my daughter's father. We were always friendly to each other.  Funny thing is,  I wondered had either one of us acted on our feelings way back then, how different would our lives had been?

Although we were both in the gifted program, we led very different lives.  He was the boy from the "hood".  While I was the girl bound for THE college prep high school.  He cut school: I spent my free time reading.  He ran with a rough crowd; my friends and I had slumber parties and stuffed animals.  He was the "bad boy"; I was the girl voted most likely to succeed.  Classic Ro-Com material, right? 

Our life paths crossed at a young age.  Perhaps that interaction alone was enough to affect us and our decisions when looking for life partners. Had we acted on our "feelings", one or both of our lives may have ended up badly...OR, we could have had a whirlwind romance. We will never know, "what could have been".  What I do know is this: he found stability with his wife and I learned to have a colorful life with my daughter's father. My lesson learned is, that just like the song says, "You can't always get what you want...(BUT)... You just might find, you get what you need."

So when did I become so "uncool": maybe when I decided to blog about a romance that never was...

How to go from "uncool" to "annoying" in 1 easy step...

Hello World!  Here I am a full-fledged high schooler's mom!  These past 8 months have been crazy busy.  My daughter started off high school with a bang!  She immediately joined the school glee club "Dolce"; became a school Ambassador; tried out and made the frosh basketball team.  All the while maintaining "acceptable" grades.  Phew!

And therein lies the problem..."acceptable" grades.  I have extremely high expectations of her - "acceptable" grades just won't do.  Perhaps because I used to be a classic overachiever, I expect her to be able to juggle school work, volunteer work, extra-curricular activities AND excel at all of it!  It's not like I ask her to do anything time-consuming or even strenuous activities as chores.  I am not one of "those" moms that freaks out at an A-.  I do not even require her to keep a clean room.

So I ask myself, "Self: why is it that your daughter is satisfied with acceptable, passable and even <GASP> mediocre?  Why is it that she is satisfied with how things are instead of wanting MORE, BETTER, BEST?"  The simple answer that I find solace in is, "She's just like her dad."  In all actuality (thank Heaven) she is nothing like her dad.  So, why is that she doesn't have that driving force?  Why is it that she seems to live quite happily in her own "NikkiLand"?  Why is she so rebellious about even the most simple of things? 

I keep trying to find the answers to all of those questions.  I have come up with the following as possible answers:  she just doesn't care; or, it's not important to her; or even, she's a teenager.  In actuality, the last statement is closest to the truth: She's a teeneager.  To her, life will go on and on.  In her mind, SATs are w-a-y, faraway and college is eons away.  She still feels that she has an infinite amount of time before she has to buckle down.  She has yet to grasp the reality that her freshman year is coming to a close.  Sophmore year begins this fall.  SATs and college apps are only two years away. And, before she knows it...(boom) Graduation!

In search of an answer, I recently asked her why she is so flippant about the future.  She answered quite seriously, "Mom, I don't like talking about that stuff.  Talking about all that makes it that much more real that I don't have too much longer to be a kid."  AHA!  There ladies and gentlemen, is the golden answer!  She knows the struggles that I have lived through as a single mom.  She has seen the sacrifices that adults make on a day to day basis - and she is just not ready for that much reality. 

As adults, we know how difficult life can be if we do not take our education seriously. We know that the years fly by about as quickly as a butterfly flaps its wings. We know how important it is to make the right choices in life.  We know, because we have lived our lives.  We have made mistakes - and have had to pay ( or continue to pay) dearly for...  We know...

So, when did I go from uncool to annoying?  When I finally realised that I should have listened to my parents.  The weren't nagging me, they were trying to warn me.  Just like I am trying to do with my own teen.

Moving On

Wow!  I can't believe it's been almost six months since I blogged anything...

Well, life takes over and what can you?

Speaking of life, I have experienced a lot of life changes in these past months.  My 42nd birthday came and went with a few unexpected surprises.  My daughter received her high school acceptance letters; she graduated from 8th grade; and we bid a bittersweet adieu to the school she has attended since kindergarten.

Now, my daughter is doing her high school summer prep courses and I still cannot get over the fact that she is no longer in grammer school.  I am longing for the days when she excitedly ran to me after school and said, "Guess what I did in school today!"  It scares me to think that in four short years we will be shopping for dorm room necessities instead of school uniforms...

I realize that life goes on, but I'm starting to feel "outdated"...kind of like a child's favorite toy that is now long forgotten - stuffed into a box and relegated to the garage. 

Being a stay home mom, I have kept busy with all of the activities at my daughter's school.  Bake sales, parents club meetings, yard duty, and faithfully attending every one of her sporting events.  Now that my daughter will be starting high school this fall, what will I do keep busy?  When I brought this up to my daughter, she said, with all of the wisdom only a fourteen-year-old girl can have, "Mom, get a life!"

That, my friends is exactly my point.  She has been my life up to now.  Everything I do (did?) revolved around her schedule.  Now that she is scheduling activities on her own, where do I fit into the picture?  I don't want to sound all "whiny" about this, but I do need to find something to occupy my time.

The options are endless and have me a little excited.  I can got back to school!  I can do more volunteer work!  I can train for the Bay-to-Breakers!

The one huge thing I have to do is - learn to let go of my baby girl!

So nice of you to ask...

Today my daughter and her friends (along with another mother and I) are going to the mall for the I Am Number Four autograph signing.  Alex Pettyfer and Dianna Agron will be making an appearence at our local Hot Topic.  Mind you, this is not a free meet and greet...the girls (actually us moms) had to purchase an officially licensed movie t-shirt with a wristband.  The wristband guarantees them a chance to meet the stars as well as view a sneak peak of the movie.

So far, I'm all good with what's going on today.

My problem lies with what my daughter said last night when she came home from a basketball game.  Instead of asking if she could spend the night at her BF's home tonight after the movie, she TOLD me she was spending the night.  I love her friends and their parents.  We've all known each other since the girls were in kindergarten.  Call me old fashioned, but she is a minor and is living under my roof and regulations.  I want her to ask if she is able to do things before she takes it upon herself to make the decision.

When I called her out on this, it started a disagreement that went like this:

  Nikki: "You never let me do anything!"
  Me: "I'm not saying no, you can't go. What I'm saying is, I would like for you to ask first."
  Nikki: "You don't trust me!"
  Me: "I'm not saying that either. What I'm saying is, I would like for you to ask first."
  Nikki: "None of the other parents have a problem with this!"
  Me: "I'm not everyone else's parents. I'm your mother and would like to be asked, not told."
  Nikki: "Why are you doing this to me?  Do you hate me?"
  Me: "Nik, I love you.  If you want to go to Isabella's house, just ask."

At this point, my daughter rolls her eyes and says, " Can I spend the night at Isabella's house after the movie?"

I ask you dear reader, was that so hard?  Was I being disagreeable?  I had to laugh this off, but I'm glad I stood my ground.

So when did I stop being "cool"?  Apparently, when my daughter turned 14.

When I grow up...

What makes us who we are? 

Take for instance, me.  As a child, I adored all of my dolls.  I loved to dress them up, comb their hair, bundle them in blankets and even talk to them.  I took them everywhere. I did everything I thought a "good little mommy" would do. 

Aside from my dolls, I cherished my Easy Bake oven.  My mom never let me put a light bulb in it in fear that I would "burn the house down".  Nonetheless, I loved my Easy Bake oven.  I pretended to make incredible cakes and treats.  I imagined serving them to all of my guests and everyone asking for "seconds" and even "thirds"!

Fast forward to my teen years and early twenties.  I swore up and down that there was no way I would ever be a "just a mom".  Life was waiting to be lived and I wanted to live it to the fullest.  I saw my friends that had children as having given up on life.  I felt their kids were a burden to them.  I saw it like a "plague". So, I avoided them - afraid I might "catch" whatever it was they had that made them want a child.

I partied, traveled, hung out, went to concerts, and slept in - A LOT.  But, I always loved to bake.  In my (single and childless) circle of friends, I was the one that would make cupcakes at midnight <wink, wink>.  I could be counted on making a chocolate chip cheescake just to cheer someone up.  I even learned how to make black bottom cupcakes!

Then one day, I was blessed with a beautiful little girl of my very own.  I loved to dress her up, comb what little hair she had, bundle her up, and talk to her - nonstop.  I took her everywhere with me.  All the feelings I had as a little girl came rushing back to me.  I also realized that my friends that had kids were living life to the fullest too, just in a different way.

Growing up in the 80's, we were told that as women we could have it all.  Career, marriage, children.  It put incredible pressure on us.  Pressure to choose a career even if it was an unfulfilling one; pressure to find "the one" person we would marry; and pressure to have children.  No one ever said it was ok to choose one, or a combination thereof.  Too bad.

So, when did I stop being "cool"?  In my daughter's eyes...probably when I decided I just wanted to be a mom that bakes the best cupcakes. 

My First Post

First things first.  Yes, I am a mom; and yes, I was a teen in the 80's.  What I hope to accomplish through this blog is to figure out when I stopped being cool, cutting edge and hip!  (The answer is probably when I didn't stop using 80's slang..)

I have a 14 year old daughter that does not stop reminding me on a daily basis that "This isn't the 80's mom!  People are different now."  I ask myself, " Are people different? "  I am a firm believer in the the old adage that times change, but people remain the same.  So, no people are not different.  The times have made people achieve their goals differently now, but we all just want one thing.

We all just want to be happy, right?  All I want is for my daughter to grow up to become  a healthy and happy adult.  Do I overstep my boundaries as a parent?  Yup, you betcha!  I don't want her to fall into the same "trappings" that I did, so I try to sway (push) her in another direction.  Has it helped any?  I'm not sure.  I know she is a lot busier than I ever was at her age.  Is she happy?  I'm not sure.  She has decent grades, a ton of extra curricular activities, and a ton of friends.   Will these factors add up to a happy childhood?  I'm not sure.

So, when did I stop being so "cool"?  I'm not sure. Drats!